Saturday, May 23, 2015

Hey there, Stranger.

It's Memorial Day Weekend!
ugh...cape cod traffic at it's worst!
This time last year, hubby and I were in Providence, Rhode Island with a bunch of CCRD ladies.
It's Northeast Derby Convention weekend!!  
Here's my post from last year's fun: NEDC 2014

But, this year...we decided not to go.  Why?  Well, as my last post stated, I'm no longer playing derby with CCRD.  I went through my emotional roller coaster of the whats/whys/hows of staying or going.  In the end, my heart wasn't in it.  I hadn't lost any love for the game or skating...but, my heart wasn't in it.
They always say 'roller derby isn't for everyone' and that is true.  But it's not as cut and dry as just to say 'roller derby''s so much more than just gearing up and going to practice.  It's a huge commitment that you need to accept, personally, as a skater on a team.  But that commitment means nothing if you don't feel it from every single person you're out there with.  And when you start to get the 'well, if they don't care, why do I?' thoughts rolling around in your head...then you need to make some serious decisions.

I continue to watch the roller derby pages on facebook.  I really love the game of roller derby and I don't want it to just disappear from my life. But i see a lot of posts about 'what keeps you coming back to practice?'  You know, derby is a tough sport...full of bruises, sore muscles, sometimes you break something.  The time commitment can be rough when your personal life demands more of you attention.  And, you have to make that decision to stick with it.  So, to me, it seems that if you love the game and your team/league, then it's not really a question of what keeps you going back.  If you have thoughts of leaving...those things that make you consider that decision should be getting your attention.  And that was my issue.  The emotional/mental 'whys/whats/hows'!  Where had the thrill gone?  Why, if i loved this game so much, did I not want to go to practice?
And I'm not here to go into my personal issues (though, it is my personal blog, so i could if i wanted to)...I'm writing today out of nostalgia (because I'm missing the electric energy of a convention full of people who love this game so much that they are pushing their physical limits for an entire weekend of derby!) and also a bit of frustration.
I'm a little tired of all the derby folks who basically put the 'blame' on a skater, when a skater decides to leave derby.
I couldn't even guess the percentage of skaters who leave for personal reasons vs. bigger issues, but I am sure there are people who leave derby with a heavy heart. It's not fair to assume a person leaves derby because they can't handle the physicality or the commitment or even the dynamics of a larger group of women.  It isn't fair to assume a person leaves derby because she's afraid. It is fair to assume that a skater demands and deserves respect from her league, is fair to assume that most skaters want to see and help their league grow, but need to feel like their opinions count.  It is fair to assume a skater will not continue if the fun is gone.
I've made a lot of friends through the sport and I'd hate to just leave that part of my life behind.  I still want to see the cape league grow and finally get out there and be a part of the community.

So, getting back on 8 wheels, after a 20+ year dry spell, has made me love roller skating again.  Roller derby has given me a little more bravery to push myself past simply skating forwards in a circle.  Sure, I'm still apprehensive to try a new move, but I'm old!  But I'll give it a go and see what happens.
Because I love skating.  
And that love makes it fun. 

Speaking of FUN...
GO HERE to either join our team for the weekend of fun, or donate to our team (maybe select my name to make a donation towards my personal fundraising goal??)!

That's if for now.  Glad i finally got that off my chest.  You can look forward to the next chapter in my life as a skater, when I take on the skate parks with a few of my friends!!
Boom Boom's cast is off.  In a few days she'll be in physical therapy.  She's on the mend!! YAY!!