Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Two, and out...

Years, that is.
Two years.  That is how long I've been trying this derby thing.

I have been struggling with the decision to stay or go for...well, pretty much the entire second year.  I was getting tired of the stress around bout time.  The bout rejuvenated me enough to want to keep trying, but i needed a break.  That didn't work out as planned, still keeping in touch and offering opinions and just not allowing myself to pull to far away, for fear i wouldn't go back.

Then I thought I figured out the solution:
just concentrate on training new recruits!

But, while it was great to work with these fresh faces, so full of excitement and eager to learn, I still had that nagging feeling within me that this just wasn't what i wanted.
So, I realized what i really wanted from being in roller derby was simply to get that day back when I got to play with my friends.  And a girl gets to a point where she has to face facts and figure out why she's doing what she's doing?!  Was i sticking with roller derby in hopes that i would find the fun again?  Was i sticking with it in hopes that i could just play another game, with my friends, for my friends who missed the first time I played?  Or was i sticking with it because that's what i thought i should do, rather than what i wanted to do?

We're in the middle of a pretty crazy blizzard today, and I've decided to embrace the snowy windy day to just put it all out there.  Basically, I've finally reached that fork in the road where I need to make up my mind.
And my journey into the world of roller derby -with my expectations of how it would play out- has gone off the path of reality.  It no longer fits into my personal life; and, I still have no idea what I hope to gain from it.
I know it all sounds like a lot of 'me ,me ,me', but that is what I've come to realize...I don't know how to do 'for me' and i stayed in derby for the wrong reasons.

So, I'm moving on.  
Back to my life of virtual solitude.  The constant social interaction (work, practice, meetings, events, etc)...it's all too much for this shut-in to handle, anymore.
You don't do anyone any favors by being a martyr.  We must always remember to take responsibilities for our own lives and the choices we make.
I do not regret one second of the last 2 years (except maybe not pushing myself hard enough in the early stages of learning).  But, I also do not regret moving on and admitting that my introverted nature can not be denied any longer.

I will miss seeing my new friends, on a weekly basis; but, i have faith that the true friendships i have made will continue to grow and last.

It is possible i will still blog about Cape Cod Roller Derby, once things pick up and/or new skaters want to introduce themselves.

And, despite my leaving, I am still taking part in the Relay For Life February 5K, on February 14.
And, I'm still on Team Cape Cod Roller Derby for the fundraiser for the big relay event in June...so, please consider donating, and help me reach my personal goal of $200 for cancer research.
Here are some links:
If you wanna participate in the Valentine's day 5K, go HERE to register.
If you wanna donate toward my personal goal for the Relay for Life, go HERE, please.
If you would like to join in the relay and fundraising efforts and join our Team, go HERE to join us.
Thank you for any and all donations and we welcome anyone wanting to join Team CCRD!
oh! and I almost forgot...I have a facebook page for my quilled paper jewelry and 'stuff'...I'll be making some pendants to sell as a way to raise money towards my goal, as well.  If you're interested, check out my page HERE.  You can send me a private message or comment on any photo, for more info!

It's been real...until next time...

Saturday, January 17, 2015

NEW SKATER IN THE (DOLL)HOUSE!

Oh, boy! Do I have a treat for you today!!
As you may remember (yes, it's been ages since I've done a post), we had a very successful first 'meat & greet' back before the holidays.  We moved right along with our new group of freshies and had assessments just as the new year started...just about half of them moved into the beginning contact group!!  So exciting!!  In a few weeks I'm pretty sure they'll be joining full practices and getting ready to do some scrimmage drills! 
In the meantime, I've asked our 4 new 'contact' skaters to tell us a bit about themselves...here's the first one...
BRENNA!

1. BK Flynn  //  Reigna Ramsies  #B4U // 
Position: undetermined - At this point I'm looking to have a better understanding of the game, and to find out what kind of skater I am. I'm going to try out each position, and where I'm best suited will likely figure itself out. 

2. how did you hear about ccrd...and when did you get involved...what 'sealed the deal' and made you join?
I saw a flyer for the Meat and Greet in the Sparrow, and told everyone I knew that I was thinking of trying it out, so that I would have to go. This was back in September (2014) and everything derby has consumed my waking thoughts ever since.

3. What drew you to the sport...what is your favorite part of derby (why you keep coming back) so far?
I have never thought of myself as a particularly athletic person, I despise running, or lifting weights or anything that smacks of "working out". I am however, a very physical person and have found ways of tricking myself by doing things that are challenging for my body, but have an extremely mental component such as iyengar yoga, or otherwise feel like I'm dancing or playing like a kid.  I feel like derby incorporates all of these things, and more.

I love the people I have met. I love that derby breaks boundaries for people, like the total violation of the personal space bubble, or the kind of things that grown-ass women do or don't do. I love that derby is a totally legitimate sport that is also totally tongue-in-cheek. It is something that i can strive for improvement in, but also enjoy just because it is awesome fun. I search out things in life that don't have to be taken so god damn seriously. 

4. have you skated before//when was the last time you skated (before ccrd, of course)
I figure skated competitively from around age 10-14,15ish. Could do doubles, but never any triple jumps. Loved it but grew out of the sparkly dresses. Couldn't handle the sparkly dresses.
A friend gave me the blue and yellow roller skates in college, and I wore them EVERYWHERE. So when I put them on again, I knew I was capable of running up stairs in them drunk, but I had never done most of the crazy stuff we do in derby. Jumping over stuff, are you nuts!

5. family life//day job...kids? profession? pets? that sort of thing...
I have one handsome boyfriend of 10 years, two cats, and a landscaping company.

6. tell us something interesting/amusing/odd/unexpected about yourself...OR, what's your favorite book/color/breed of horse/flavor of ice cream...OR, your ultimate goal as a roller derby player...
My favorite books are Austrian, written from the mid 19th to early 20th century.
Last summer I grew 10 foot tall tomato plants. I shit you not. 
My ultimate goal as a roller derby player is to get better than myself now and tomorrow and the next day.

Thanks, Brenna for sharing a bit about yourself!  I, for one, can't wait to see you play!  And, I'm sure the fans of Cape Cod Roller Derby feel the same!

One bit of business before I sign off and leave you on the edges of your seat for the other 3 new skater profiles:
**We, as your local roller derby league, are forming a team for the Relay for Life event to benefit the American Cancer Society.  We would love for you to consider donating to this cause, and it would be even sweeter if you donated under our team name (Cape Cod Roller Derby).  You may also donate under a specific skater!!  If you are so inclined, I set my goal at $200...if you enjoy reading my blog, and feel like donating to our team, here's my PERSONAL page: Jennifer Hart .  I'd be ever so grateful.
That's in June, though.
In preparation, some of us are also doing a 5K to raise money for the event, itself.  
In February.
On Valentine's Day.
In the cold.
It's a walk/run, but a couple of our girls are going to attempt to skate the route (weather permitting).  It'll be fun!  If you're into it, you can sign up and join our team of walk/run/skaters for the event!  I've heard rumors that the largest team gets free pizza!!  (or some sort of recognition, anyway)
Here's the link to sign up: Valentine's Day 5K
We'd love to have you on our team!  sign up under Cape Cod Roller Derby relay team!!


Thursday, January 1, 2015

Happy New Year

Well, another year...gone.
I keep going over and over, in my head, how to make my first post of 2105 a little more magical than your every day 'reflective' post.
But, I'm not that clever.
In searching for something interesting to reflect upon, however, I went back over some old posts.  My first post of the year was a skater profile.  My first 'real thoughts' post wasn't until mid-January.  My personal thoughts and feelings about my very first official minimum skills assessment!
That is a major milestone in derby life!
And, tomorrow, our newest group of freshies will get to experience that thrill.

My experience (read about it HERE, if you missed it last year) was completely different from what they will go through.  I mean, it's different for everyone, simply because everyone is different and deals with things in their own way.  But these girls have been on skates since the beginning of October...that's 3 months-ish.  We originals, having no idea what was going on, had been skating (well, starting from square one, not just skating, but also trying to learn everything we needed to know about roller derby and pretty much teaching ourselves, with some help from the amazing derby friends we made along the way!) for a couple years before we knew how to assess our skaters.  These new skaters have both the luxury of just coming in and doing what they are told, without the anxiety of 'wait...are we doing this right?' growing pains we went through...and the disadvantage of being expected to learn what they need to know in 3 months!
I guess, however, the advantage of 'knowledge at the ready' sort of cancels out the disadvantage of limited time?
Well, however any of us sees the situation, it doesn't really matter.  The fact of the matter is,
these new girls are being assessed TOMORROW! 
And I am excited!
I think they are excited!
The real beauty is that tickets for the Northeast Derby Convention go on sale today...a few of our freshies, even before assessments, have booked rooms and decided to go!!  This group is so much fun...so dedicated...  Honestly, each time we get a new group of skaters, the derby fire is reignited and I start to re-think where I want to be in my derby career.  Damn these girls and their 'can do' attitudes, making me re-think trying out for the travel team!!!

oh...so, it is my personal blog.  
and it is new year's day.  
Why don't i expand on the 'travel team' comment...you know, for the sake of my chronicled derby career.
I made the decision to focus on staying in the league and training committee with sole purpose to help train freshies.  Now, with another shift, we will officially have 3 groups in our league, all practicing on the same two nights, at the same times.  Our new schedule will have our newly assessed freshies starting contact drills...I've made myself available to train this group.  That takes me out of the time slot when the rest of the league is practicing advanced moves and strategy...making if virtually impossible for me to ever try-out for a team.  I made the decision, based on my feeling that I will never have the personality to excel at that level...with my skating skills or my social skills.
*Assessments
*Derby convention
*Penciling in away bouts
All of these things are putting me into my usual 'second-guessing' space.  
That space where I wonder if I could make it work.  
Could I still keep my sanity and humor and personality AND deal with the stress of trying to make the team? Or, should I trust that I have made the right decision and hope that, if some day I want to jump into an informal scrimmage, the league will allow me to do that?
So, here's my list of derby goals for the next few months:
* WORK OUT!  get back in my non-derby shape (yes, it was actually better than it is now!)
* give those freshies everything i have to help them learn derby
* take time off for the derby convention...plan to be back in shape by May
* make my final decision on where my place should be within our league in June

There you have it...Day one of 2015.  2 years into roller derby and I still have no idea what I'm trying to get out of it. Maybe my purpose is just to help the new skaters?  Maybe I am just the slow and steady type and I will hit my stride this year and decide to try out for a team next year?  If I only knew...