Years, that is.
Two years. That is how long I've been trying this derby thing.
Then I thought I figured out the solution:
just concentrate on training new recruits!
So, I realized what i really wanted from being in roller derby was simply to get that day back when I got to play with my friends. And a girl gets to a point where she has to face facts and figure out why she's doing what she's doing?! Was i sticking with roller derby in hopes that i would find the fun again? Was i sticking with it in hopes that i could just play another game, with my friends, for my friends who missed the first time I played? Or was i sticking with it because that's what i thought i should do, rather than what i wanted to do?
We're in the middle of a pretty crazy blizzard today, and I've decided to embrace the snowy windy day to just put it all out there. Basically, I've finally reached that fork in the road where I need to make up my mind.
And my journey into the world of roller derby -with my expectations of how it would play out- has gone off the path of reality. It no longer fits into my personal life; and, I still have no idea what I hope to gain from it.
I know it all sounds like a lot of 'me ,me ,me', but that is what I've come to realize...I don't know how to do 'for me' and i stayed in derby for the wrong reasons.
So, I'm moving on.Back to my life of virtual solitude. The constant social interaction (work, practice, meetings, events, etc)...it's all too much for this shut-in to handle, anymore.
You don't do anyone any favors by being a martyr. We must always remember to take responsibilities for our own lives and the choices we make.
I do not regret one second of the last 2 years (except maybe not pushing myself hard enough in the early stages of learning). But, I also do not regret moving on and admitting that my introverted nature can not be denied any longer.
I will miss seeing my new friends, on a weekly basis; but, i have faith that the true friendships i have made will continue to grow and last.
It is possible i will still blog about Cape Cod Roller Derby, once things pick up and/or new skaters want to introduce themselves.
And, despite my leaving, I am still taking part in the Relay For Life February 5K, on February 14.
And, I'm still on Team Cape Cod Roller Derby for the fundraiser for the big relay event in June...so, please consider donating, and help me reach my personal goal of $200 for cancer research.
Here are some links:
If you wanna participate in the Valentine's day 5K, go HERE to register.
If you wanna donate toward my personal goal for the Relay for Life, go HERE, please.
If you would like to join in the relay and fundraising efforts and join our Team, go HERE to join us.
Thank you for any and all donations and we welcome anyone wanting to join Team CCRD!
oh! and I almost forgot...I have a facebook page for my quilled paper jewelry and 'stuff'...I'll be making some pendants to sell as a way to raise money towards my goal, as well. If you're interested, check out my page HERE. You can send me a private message or comment on any photo, for more info!
It's been real...until next time...