Tuesday, December 2, 2014

more of my personal journey...

Oh, great! Another personal post by Hartless.
Yes, I've been posting a lot of posts that aren't necessarily interesting to the average blog reader, but my goal when I started this blog was to keep a record of my journey.  Sure, it's a great way to keep everyone informed of all that is happening in our league, and to (try to) help promote any events we may be having or appearances around town; but, for me, on a personal level, I wanted to be able to also capture the personal aspect of derby.  We're more than just a bunch of girls trying to play derby...we're people.  With feelings and stuff.
So, with the end of 2014 right around the corner (all of you gasping and screaming 'December just started!!' can just simmer down...it's now or never sometimes, with me!), I've been thinking and mulling and changing decisions about what I want out of this experience...changing back...  It's been a pretty emotional and stressful few months, since returning to the league, full-time, in October (after taking it easy in September).  I went through the excitement of returning to skating with the league and getting to 'play' during scrimmage drills; and, amazement at how far a lot of skaters had progressed in just a month...but mixed with a little pride when I saw that I could still keep up!  There were some issues that annoyed me a little, when common sense seemed to be overpowered and taken hostage by confusion and manipulation; but, faith was restored when the disagreements didn't crack the foundation of solid friendships.  And, it's the big issues and disagreements that really help to put things in perspective, isn't it!?

My break in September was my attempt at finding where my heart lies in derby.  Did I have it in me to spend so much of my time on this?  Well, I missed it enough to go back.  But the dynamics change as a group of skaters progresses and moves forward.  And everyone must change a little to continue to grow.  With new people coming into the group, and veteran skaters sticking around...the dynamics must change...we all must adapt.
But when you are adapting to fit into something...you must also decide how much you are willing to change who you are, in order to fit in.

I hit a wall during my first month back.  I had no idea what I was hoping to gain from being back in the derby world.  It seemed more overwhelming than before. I had a hard time motivating myself to finish a practice...sometimes to even START a practice.  What was I doing here??
It was then, that I made the decision that I would skate out the rest of the year, and leave derby behind.

November, however, had me helping more with our newest members, and renewing my love of the sport! So, I kept my lips sealed, in anticipation of changing my mind back to staying with the league.
I was having fun with these new girls!  I felt that I was being changed in ways that I was proud of...again.

Where am I going with all of this?
I'm making it official on my blog today...I am no longer in derby to become a rostered skater.  What I want out of derby is a feeling of happiness and accomplishment.  I played one scrimmage and it was so great!  I will never forget that experience or the joy it brought me!  But, now what brings me joy is helping the new girls learn the basics.  Helping them understand the rules.  Watching them progress from their first day in skates to eventually being placed on a team in the future!  There was nothing I could teach the original league members, anymore, and that was where my love of the sport was coming from!  Realizing that, and finding a place within the league that I could continue to have that feeling over and over again has renewed my love of the sport!  And I get to continue to be a part of this league as it grows over the years.

And, so now instead of being without derby as of January...
I'm paying my dues, renewing my USARS insurance, and buying a new helmet!
My integrity and perseverance were put to the test, and I feel like I've passed with flying colors!
Derby and I are happy together, again!

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Hello, November.

I'm going to preface this post by letting everyone know that I type and post my blogs using my 9 year old gateway laptop.  Most days, I turn it on and I have to scan and update, or else it just makes a terrible grumbling noise and nothing opens; or, if it does work, it's at pace so slow that I am able to imagine the scene from Office Space where they beat the copier to bits, over and over and over....
[This is where I would put a gif of the scene, but, as I said...9 year old laptop...
here's a picture, instead...]

It has taken me weeks to get my computer to cooperate long enough to do the few things I must do, let alone the extras, like writing and posting a blog.
So, today, before I run out of time...here goes...

It's almost Thanksgiving! How?  How does time seem to fly by so much faster in the last 3 months of the year?  I'm sure it is because we all just have at least double the activities and obligations, this time of year, but man it takes a toll!
So this is my second winter in derby, and it gets hard for me to venture out into the night.  This year, though, one of our league's founders is having her 3rd child, so we threw a surprise baby shower before practice last night.  I am beyond impressed that she never caught wind of it!
Even Phoebe, the reporter from weeks ago, was in on it!
(what? Phoebe?  More on that later)
Diapers and Wipes, all around...and peppermint sandwich cookies.
People who know me (and some random facebook people who don't) know that I have my own views on babies and the overpopulation of this Earth; but, I love Talia, and she is an amazing mother, so I put my soap box away for the evening.  Congrats, Talia and family!

Now, that was last night...so much more has happened since my last post, though.
Our veteran skaters have been working hard to get ready for our first ever team try-outs.  This is a huge step for our league, for a few reasons:
1. We have only enough girls to form one team
2. That one team will have to travel, and coordinating schedules and getting a Saturday off, working on Cape Cod, can be difficult
3. We will then have 3 (THREE!) groups of skaters trying to practice in our one space on the same two days (meaning, we still would love to find a space that we could rent monthly, and come and go as we need, in order to get the most out of our practices...any and all help and/or info is greatly appreciated!)
4. This is our first attempt at forming an actual rostered team.  I remember back to our first round of assessments for the league...that was a nightmare!  Hopefully, this will go more smoothly.

Sadly, I don't think I will be on that team.  I have taken a step back so far, that I tend to take myself out of practice more often, because I don't want to hold back the rock stars.  I'm not saying I'm terrible, but I am still struggling to figure out just how I fit into this sport.  How much of it is true love, and how much is just how I think I should feel?  But I know I love helping the new skaters.  Even if I'm just there to cheer them on, sometimes.  I love how much they love derby.  I love how far they are willing to push themselves.  I love that when Mighty Medge says, 'okay, ladies, we're gonna hop over this 3 inch foam roller.  Line up and let's go.' and they just do it.  Like it's no big thing.  
Unfortunately, because I'm on skates and trying to help with their practice, I haven't gotten pictures.  But you should trust me when I say that these girls are fierce and some day you will get to see them play, I'm sure!

Luckily, we still have the ShockYard ladies coming out at least once a month to help us learn strategy and more advanced moves.  
Power slides
moon walk
 Again, another practice I sat out.  Fresh meat practices overlap our regular Friday practices (because of time constraints at our space) and I hate jumping into the middle of practices when we have guests...it's just awkward.  (another clue that I may not be cut out for this sport...I hate drawing attention to myself!)  I can actually do the moonwalk, though.  I used to dazzle my friends at the open skate nights, our first year.  Power slide...not so much.

We also had another great guest come by.  After she skated with us during our session with the Mass Maelstrom guys,  Painya Collida came back to lead a practice for us last week.  I'm hoping to have more news on where this relationship goes, in the future!  (thought I had pictures, but I don't, sorry)  She has coached some derby teams in the past, but is currently not skating with a league, because she just moved here, recently.  We're excited to have her on our contacts list!

I'm still easing back into regular skating.  It's actually rather hard to get back into the swing of things.  Possibly another indicator as to how my heart truly feels?  I love skating with these ladies!  I love how far they have come!  Last month, I wanted to play in our open scrimmage, but felt I wasn't quite ready and wanted to try my hand at NSO'ing.  This month I decided I was gonna go for it...whatever happens happens, right?  How can I really know if I want to play, if I never put myself in the game!?  I pushed myself to get into practices and even worked up the nerve to do the apex jump drills I sat out of last time.  I made the declaration that I would skate in this month's scrimmage, and I was ready.
Then I hurt myself at work.  In my normal life, it isn't an injury, really.  I little tweak to my hip, after slipping on some wet leaves while trying to hold back a massive bale of cardboard on a pallet jack...down hill.  Normally, for me, having a little pain shoot through my hip every few steps isn't a big deal.  I'm not a cry baby, trust me.  But the thought of putting skates into the equation and several others skating around me, seemed dangerous.  I don't want to be the girl whose leg gives out in the middle of a pack skate and takes down everyone around me, knowing I was injured from the start.  So, now I'm feeling like I shouldn't scrimmage.  And I'm not sure how badly I feel about it.  If I'm so on the fence about how much I really want to play...does that mean I probably don't really have that fire inside me anymore?  Is the love lost?  I'm beginning to think this dilemma is driving me mad!

Well, my sanity aside, here's what you need to know:
1. Our fresh meat (I kinda want to call them Fresh Catch, because we're a seaside league...I'll try to get it to catch on) is doing so well!  I am truly excited to be a part of our new recruit program!  Their natural skills and, more importantly, their desire to do well and be a positive addition to our league is amazing.
2. Do YOU want to be a part of this?  Do YOU want to see if you have the desire and fire and drive to be a roller girl?  or Referee?  or Non-skating Official?  We need you!  We want you!  Get yourselves through the holidays and plan ahead for our next Meat & Greet!  It's January 5, that's a Monday.  Come get info, and if you are hooked, practices will start that Friday (January 9)!!
Here's the link to our facebook event page: MEAT & GREET! (and remember: the meat & greet is a no obligation information session.  It's not a bout so don't bring the kids, it's just a chance to see a practice, meet some roller girls, and see if you'd like to join.  Just a fun night out!)
3. Do you PLAY already and plan to be on Cape Friday November 21?  Wanna come play some roller derby with us?  We're having a mixed open scrimmage.  Check out THIS link for more info on our facebook event page.

Wait!  Who's Phoebe???
Well, I don't know much about Phoebe.  Maybe I should've brought my notepad and turned the tables on her!  She is working at our local NPR station in Woods Hole, WCAI. (OOPS! update/edit: Phoebe is actually a student in a program founded by the people who run WCAI...the Transom program.  Sorry, for forgetting the important details, Phoebe! I will never be a real reporter.) She stopped by a couple weeks ago to get into our heads, about derby.  While we've had reporters talk to us before, and I've had a couple quotes printed in our league articles, I've never had a microphone to my face while bundled up, head to toe, chatting in a freezing warehouse.
Totally natural!
I don't know when this will air, but it will be good!  This girl was thorough and effing adorable!  She came back to our fresh meat practice, later in the week, to get more info, and really get into the action!  If you remember last time we had a female reporter skate with us, she joined the league...It's how we got our Jacqui O'No!
With Lulu and Mini...I mean, come on!  She's a natural!
Keep an eye on our facebook page, as I'm sure we'll let you know when this piece airs.  
Hi Phoebe!  ;)

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

How can November be less than a week away!?

You know, this time of year has always been a busy time for everyone.  For me, it's that Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Years combo.  This year, I've added Halloween back into that mix.  It's been years since Halloween has been considered a 'busy time of year'.  This year, roller derby has made it so that I can not just watch Halloween pass by and wait for my usual holiday craziness to start.
This year, we had a Halloween scrimmage.  Not a public event, but a friendly mixed scrimmage with us and anyone from neighboring leagues, who might want to play a little during the off-season.
we had cookies!!
handmade adorable edibles, by Mighty Medge.  (and also candy...because it's Halloween.)
Warm ups....

...officials (some of them)
 The game is on! 
This may have been half time...or a time out...or just a random second I had to snap a picture.  As Penalty Box Manager, for the very first time ever, all I could think about was not messing up!  Which I did anyway.  But since it was just a friendly game to kill some time and get some game time practice in, it wasn't a big deal.  (to me, anyway)

But wait, there's more...
For the first time ever, Cape Cod Roller Derby will be not only attending, but we will also have some judges at the Cape Cod & Islands Facial Hair Club Beard & Mustache Competition in November!  
Mini D. Molish, Jacqui O'No, and Nan Suckit will be judging!!  what fun!
We'll also have a table manned by some of our other players and officials.  Stop by and say hi.  Grab some info on the league and our next Meat & Greet to welcome new recruits.  Maybe buy a tee shirt or bumper sticker to show your support for your local roller derby!
November 9...2pm...Rum Runners...mark your calendars.

Our newest Fresh Catch skaters are doing great!! Progressing and getting involved in all aspects of our league.  It's a lot of work to play roller derby and these girls are all in.  We are so happy to have them with the league!

so...what do you need to remember?
**November 9...Rum Runners...2pm...facial hair shenanigans and derby girls
**watch for our next meat & greet
**we're still practicing with mixed league scrimmages...practicing all the time for our next public bout

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Fresh Meat: 3 weeks in...

We are moving right along, these days!  Our newest group of fresh meat skaters is really amazing!  So much positivity and enthusiasm!  I'm impressed, not only by their drive to get better at skating and derby skills, but also by how active they are in improving on other derby levels.  Working out and strength training outside of practice.  Researching videos of basic skills and watching derby.  Learning rules and attending our league NSO clinics.  I mean...they just want it and you can really tell!  Mighty Medge, Laura Lock-Up, Lulu Nori Morse, and myself are working with these girls every Friday, with the help of other league members that step up and help guide these new skaters.  The past few weeks (and probably most of the rest of her life, because she's awesome) Smack Frost is always willing to step in and help, too.
stepping drills...learning to balance in skates!
preparing to do some shuffle steps...pardon my giant arse.
Next thing you know, I'll be introducing these ladies with some new player profiles!

In other news, we had some visitors from Mass Maelstrom...the nearby men's league.  They are headed to Champs and had a fundraiser.  We donated some money to have them come lead us in a 2 hour practice.  It is amazing to see the speed of the male skaters.  They don't hold back!

Thanks to No Big Deal and Colleran for giving us some strategy tips and a great workout!!  Good luck at Champs, guys!

We're still working on trying to find a place to skate where we can invite the public to watch.  This has been one of our biggest hurdles in moving to the next level with this league.  The Cape needs a roller rink...plain and simple.  But, until then, I will just continue to urge you to keep watching our facebook page for updates.

Next weekend I'm running in a 5K...no story there, just have to keep reminding myself, because I apparently think I can do it without actually running at all, in the meantime.  My goal, as with all other 5K's I've done: just keep running.  No matter how much I have to slow down...just keep running.

That's all for now, party people...

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Warning: this one's moody

Mood #1: Happy!
(let's start off on a high note...)
I went apple picking with some friends this past weekend.  It was a laugh-a-minute, and it was nice to get off Cape without spending the whole day away from the safety of my home.
Jen, Paula, Susie, Me, Casey, and Laura
(photo credit: the guy marking bags as you leave the orchard)
A direct result of that trip...a freaking massive amount of apples.  I don't like warm, mushy apples so I was at a loss as to what to do with these apples (other than just eat them).  Apple fritters, being close to a donut and allowing me to have minuscule apple bits, seemed my best option.
I'm mixing!!!
I'm frying!!
One problem...I thought this would take care of at least 3 apples.  I used one.  I still have a dozen apples left!  I guess I could make a ton of fritters, freeze them, and bring them to family Christmas.
Fun facts about my cooking adventure:  my powdered sugar had turned into a rock.  No glaze, I guess.  I found enough granulated sugar to roll this one batch (barely), but had to use brown in the mix, since I didn't actually think I had any white sugar to begin with.  Fun times.
Maybe some apple cookies or muffins?  I guess I'll have to go buy some sugar.

Mood #2: Crabby
(so what else is new)
My life is pretty damn good, in the grand scheme of things.  I am certainly not complaining about that.  But sometimes, I just start to get too wrapped up in things and start to take stuff too personally and seriously.  I hate that!  It annoys me to no end when people get wrapped up in the small stuff, so when it happens to me, I have the added frustration of knowing I'm acting like 'those people'.  But i'm not getting into the why...i just needed to get it off my chest a little....

Mood #3: Confusion
(is that a 'mood' or an 'emotion'?  is there a difference?)
I'm still really struggling with this derby thing.  Oh, right...roller derby...this is my blog about how roller derby fits into my life!  Well, I'm still trying to figure out how or if it does.
I enjoy it.  I had a blast playing in our scrimmage bout.  I like practicing and having a good time.  I like being a part of this amazing thing happening on Cape Cod.
I don't like how it takes over my life.  I don't like feeling like I'm letting down an entire group of people by missing practice.  I don't like drama.
Taking a month from skating was supposed to help me decide if derby could fit in my life.  Instead, I think it made it harder.  I'm back to working out hard, like I did before derby, and I love that feeling.
I'm afraid I may be too much of a loner to fit into this sport.
But the jury is still out.  I'm still giving it a go, and I'm back to skating this month.  I'm helping out with our new recruits on Fridays and I already feel the new energy will help.   Let's just see how this month works out.

Mood #4: Excited
(let's end on a high note, too)
I have had a pretty successful couple weeks back on the ol' workout wagon.  I'm feeling those muscles in my back again!  My thighs are happy to get some different movement than just skating.  Feeling like daily workouts are becoming habit again!! yay!

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

CCRD's first Meat & Greet...I'd call it a success

Not even 2 years old yet, this league is still trying to figure out the best way to grow our family.
Location, as everybody knows, is key.  A league in a college town has a better chance of finding interested people.  Being in a large city, with close suburbs, is also an advantage.  Having public transportation, a year-round population, and a local roller rink are also huge advantages when trying to create a roller derby league.

We don't really have any of those things.  Our league is really trying to make something out of nothing...no rink, no true public transportation, no large population, and not a lot of year rounders who are...um...of major physical activity age.  Yes, i said it...Cape Cod is full of old people and it's no secret that trying to find someone under the age of 80 is like finding a needle in a haystack. (I don't mean that to sound rude...it's just a fact.)
But somehow, we managed to pull a few out of the haystack last night!!

Last night's event was meant to give folks a better idea of what they should expect, if they decided to join roller derby on Cape Cod.  A no-stress, no-commitment look at a practice.  A chance to ask questions and meet the ladies who have joined and stuck around, so far.  Basically, to see if it looked like it could fit into their lives.
We had about 30 people show up!!  Amazing!  Just promoting through facebook and some flyers at local businesses around the Cape, we found quite a few curious people.
Even better, 11 of them stayed to check out loaner gear (which could use some beefing up if anyone out there has any old roller blading/skating pads/helmets or roller skates they'd like to donate!?)  A third of them!
These ladies will now begin practice with us on Friday! Yes, it happens that quickly.  Friday they will get oriented with safety and basic stance and form.  They are now 'Fresh Meat' and will continue to learn the basics until they are cleared for contact...and more.  It's really an amazing journey.  It's so different for every single skater.
I'm sure a few of them will decide it's too much...time, money, bruising...but I will continue to have respect for any person who just laces up, even for one practice, instead of letting fear get the best of them.  Sure, I understand that life is hard and there are times you have to step back and say, 'you know what...I can't afford to get hurt...this is not for me.'  but that's not fear...that's common sense...and a lack of common sense is my number one major pet peeve.
I'm also sure a few of them will have natural talent and move quickly into the upper levels of skating.
As I said...every skater will have a different experience.

While our original plan was to do this every month, I'm not sure we can keep up, if the turn out continues to be so impressive.  So, if you missed this one, but you're still sitting on that fence, please keep up on our fan page for notification of the next event.

Guess who forgot her camera...ME!  But, to be fair, Lynne didn't bring hers either.  However, she did snap a couple on her phone (which also has a better camera than mine...I won't subject you to my blurry 'what is that supposed to be?' shots).
So many guests!!

We had some snacks.  Normally, I wouldn't bother to mention them separately, but Emma Getcha made this veggie platter...

So, here are your take-aways from this post:
*First Meat & Greet ('meat' because now those who have signed up are now called 'Fresh Meat') was such a success, we may have to skip having one as soon as next month, so keep up with our fan page for updates on that:  CCRD FAN PAGE
*If you have any quad roller skates, skate pads, and/or helmets collecting dust (or if you see any) please consider donating to Cape Cod Roller Derby.  We are at a serious disadvantage when it comes to getting people started.  We have no rink and therefore no rental skates or place for 'non-derbys' to practice.  And we have no skate local skate shop that can help with ROLLER skating needs. You can message us or post to our fan page if you have any leads.
*Emma Getcha is a wiz with the veggies!

Saturday, September 27, 2014

No skating for 4 weeks!?

I can't believe it's been a month since I put my skates on for a full-on skating experience.  I did the 20 minute skate around on that basketball court; and, I actually did my lower body workout with my skates on last week.  The Triton plates on my skates are so freaking heavy!!
The in-laws had us out for dinner almost every night, and a few lunches thrown in, for 2 weeks.  I managed a couple of running (jogging) sessions in there, but not enough to offset the burgers, beers, and birthday dinner steak (hubby's birthday, not mine).
So, here I am.  Back at square one.  My top priority, on a personal level, is to be ready for the 5K at the end of October.  Thrown in, is my top priority for the league, which is to have a successful new recruit night on Monday.  October, for me, will be planned based on what happens Monday.  I'm not ready to get back to skating twice a week yet.  I haven't actually taken my month off for fitness!  I took a month off to run around with my in-laws and now I'm fighting a cold.  It's getting a little depressing, for sure.
But, enough 'oh, whoa is me' nonsense!  I've got a plan for October.  If we get enough new skaters on Monday, I'm hoping to get back to skating once a month.  I have my workouts for the month all planned out.
Here's a major problem this time of year: seasonal treats at my job.  This is when all the fun holiday stuff comes in...pumpkin ice cream and chocolate covered coconut almonds are pretty irresistible to me.  When Thanksgiving and Christmas get closer, we'll start in with the egg nog ice cream, all the delicious candies and cookies...not to mention corn pudding and au gratin Brussels sprouts!
But I have a plan!!  I'm sticking to my 'no sweets and treats' plan.  But, in order to go all out, yet not feel like I'm missing out on all the fun, I'm buying the seasonal stuff so I don't miss out.  And it's going in my freezer in the basement.  And Christmas Day, my gift will be a gigantic basket of all the goodies I've resisted!  Sounds weird, probably.  I know 'rewarding' myself with food is a bad idea...but it's not a reward.  It's a way for me to say 'hey.  you don't need that.  You have that at home.  you can try it later...just wait.'

Anyway...back to derby...
*I haven't skated in a month
*I've still been active with the league as far as planning our Meat&Greet
*Hoping to be back in October for once a week...possibly as a helper with Fresh Meat coaching
*5K on October 26...I'm 7 days (about 2 weeks) from the end of the C25K program
*And...I went to practice last Monday for a pre-practice meeting and stayed to take some pics...

More drills

water break with the night's leader, Boom Boom Kitty

Boom Boom gets in on the suicides

Emma Getcha...that's no lie!

It's hard to get a non-blurry shot of Mini D. Molish!

Smack Frost loves suicides, too!

Cah Ma Suture...pre-...um, ankle incident :(
Yes, it's true.  We had another ankle break.  Tamie, aka Cah Ma Suture, took a nasty fall, breaking and dislocating her ankle.  Roller derby is no joke.  It's full contact.  It's rough and tumble.  It is not for the weak!

Last but not least...your friendly reminders:
Monday is our new recruit night.  We're trying something different this month.  Come on down, check out a practice and see if it sparks that fire in your belly. You can also put some cookies in your belly while you are there.  It's a FREE informational event!!  Here's our facebook link: CHECK IT OUT!
Here's a link for the 5K I'm running too...if you're interested: HALLOWEEN HUSTLE (costumes encouraged!)

That's all I've got for now.  Stay tuned for my next post re-capping our Meat & Greet night!

Saturday, September 6, 2014

No derby: Week one

Well, it's been a week of no derby.  And when i say 'no derby' I mean simply that i have not been to practice since a week ago yesterday.  I am scared to pull myself out of the loop completely, and I'm lucky enough to have league founders that have seen the blood, sweat, and tears that I've put into the league and are willing to keep my voice active, if not my skates.
I have been to the park to skate on the basketball courts once.  When we first started, we would do some renegade skating on the tennis courts...until, little by little, we were prohibited from skating on the precious tennis courts.  Skating on basketball courts is like skating on the open road.  Cracks, rocks, and patches of grass to dodge.  And, no easy way to get used to transitioning, when the outdoor wheels necessary for skating on such a surface offer little movement when turning...at least, in my amateur opinion. After 20 minutes, I decided I'd just get my workout in and ran around the track for 30 minutes.
I don't want to lose what little skill I had, but not skating for a month (or more) could prove to be a big mistake!
But, I want to get myself used to my new schedule before throwing derby back in full-force.
It's a tricky position.  I'm starting to feel like my old self...but, still feel like I would regret quitting derby altogether.
This is both good and bad news, of course.
I won't lie...I was partially hoping I wouldn't miss it at all.  Just go back to my life before roller derby, when I could come home from work and just workout and then relax for the rest of the evening.  Because, as lazy as that makes me sound, I do enjoy it.
But there's still that part of me that wants to feel that rush of playing the game.  It's fun!!
The next two weeks will be full of activities with my visiting in-laws.  Not a lot of time for much more.
One week down...time to start looking at a real timetable for my return, and how to execute it smoothly.
One of my favorite shots from the bout.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

A bump in the road

Fair warning: 
this is a post of the personal nature.  
This is, after all, my personal blog...documenting my life in roller derby.  And, this stage, as emotional and confusing as it is, is a legitimate part of this life.
I've decided to step out of the league for a bit.  I say 'a bit' because I don't have any set plans for how this will work out.  I can only say why I made this decision.  Past that, it's all a 'see how it goes' sort of process.

So, the 'WHY'...
...basically, it's too much emotion for me...
Yes, i said that.

Here's some history. 
 A little look at my personality a year and a half ago.
If I didn't have to work, and I lived in the woods, I would've been that creepy person parents told their children to stay away from.  I liked being alone.  I didn't like people around me for too long. I liked not having plans.  I enjoyed a life of getting up early, getting work over and done by 1pm at the latest, and then locking the doors behind me once I made it home again.  I turned down most plans, and those I didn't turn down, I would either cancel last minute or deal with the sickness I got from my anxiety (that is how people really knew I cared...I suffered social situations for them!).

But, I was so intrigued by this roller derby thing!!  It always fascinated me, what little I knew about it.  I had the supreme fortune of starting when the league formed, knowing the co-founders already, making it easier to convince myself to check it out.

I put my heart and soul into this league, and I regret not a single minute of it.
But, as the past few months have chugged along, I have been less excited to go to practice.  Less impressed by having guests come skate with us.  I longed for the days when my minimal skills were enough to get by and make me happy.  I had not progressed, skill-wise, in quite some time.  I was scared that it would be so obvious during our first bout, that I had considered leaving the league before the game!!
The smarter, braver side of me won out and I pushed myself, hoping the bout would re-ignite my passion.  
It did, to a degree...but I was still pretty stagnant in the skills department.

I have been becoming increasingly negative, as far as my own perception of myself...and the last thing I wanted to do was let that toxic attitude spill over into the league.  Not after we've come so far.  Not when the league is at a pivotal point in it's advancement.  Not when everyone needs to be positive and helpful and eager to do whatever it takes to keep the momentum going forward.
I'm not saying I'm a hero for stepping out...I'm saying that I love this league and I want to be able to get my issues worked out and still have a league to crawl back to!!

I am proud to say that I have been part of our training committee pretty much since the league started forming committees.  I have done what I can, but in the meantime, I have let myself go.  I am unable to help the training move forward, while I am in such bad shape.  My number one goal, in the up-coming month is to get back into shape and work on all the little things I am having trouble with.  That way, when I re-join, the rest of the league can see that I have improved and I'm ready to play.  Getting fit will hopefully give me that boost I need, personally, to get better at derby.

In the meantime, I'm still going to blog.  
I'm going to continue to keep track of my fitness progress.  I'm going to bring my camera to a few practices when I can make it.  And maybe try to get to some open practices.  
I'm not leaving for good.  I'm just dialing back the intensity for awhile.  
And, in doing so, I'll be enjoying the company of my in-laws for the first two weeks of september!  Free meals and cocktail hours! Ya-hoo!!

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Bout Re-cap! (were YOU there?)

It's been how long since our first public bout?
I know, I know...this post should've happened weeks ago!  But, there were a ton of pics to go through, my sister got married the following weekend, other life stuff happened (as it always does), and I'm dealing with an old-ass computer that needs to scan and update pretty much any time I turn the beast on.  Editing and uploading pics is like a full day project with this thing!!
Big thanks to everyone who made it out to watch us play!!  Thanks also to anyone who got there late and couldn't get in! Yes, that's right!  Sold out!!
Maybe 're-cap' isn't the word I should use for this blog, since i remember little of what actually happened.  I remember i had fun!  I remember it was packed.  I remember my husband being super excited after the bout, telling me how awesome I was!  I remember a couple good plays I made.  I remember jamming once...glad it was only once!
Were you there?  Was it magical?  Would you go again?
Here are some pics....in no particular order.
The calm before the storm.

I was so nervous that no one would show up, when I saw all this empty space just a little after doors were open.  Sold out crowd, proved I was nervous for no reason (except that I was about to play in my first ever public bout...there was that.)

Just some of the 450 or so spectators!

Introducing: Cape Cod Roller Derby League!
Salty Dolls (black jerseys) and Dockyard Dames (white jerseys)

Waiting for the whistle...
Pure Awesome!
There is so much happening in the pic above! Bandita and Boom Boom Kitty stare, each of them telling the other 'I dare you!'  I'm pretty sure that's Emma Getcha's skate coming around the side of my downed self.  Looks like DreamReaver is daning...?  So much happens in the little pack!!
Our cool logo signs!

Some Official Business...
Al Jynx U, Head Ref
Talya Mama, Jam Timer (Co-founder, CCRD)
Slamity P.D., OPR
Safety first!! Everyone gets all safety gear and skates checked before a bout...EVERYONE!
 ...and, more random shots...
Boom Boom Kitty...kill face!

Derby is not a pretty look for me!
Great teamwork! One of my shining moments as I held the Dolls back while Mighty Medge got through as our Dame's Jammer!

Waiting for the official final score....Dolls for the win with just 4 points!!!  132 to 128!

Power Jam for the Dolls!
(more of our great officials timing penalties and making sure everything is on the up-and-up! Thanks to Pepper Sprout, Dussault & Battery, and Cah Ma Suture for taking care of the Sin Bin!!)
Dolls take the win!!
Dames fall by a margin of just 4 points!

There are so many more pics!!  But, you know what...this is a sport best experienced live!!  Why not check out some of our girls TODAY! (YES, it's short notice...a handful of our skaters were invited to fill in some spaces on the roster for MARD'S Bloody Bordens tonight.)  Here's a link to the facebook event page, so you can get the details....GO HERE...BUY TICKETS!
also...go to OUR CCRD fan page to keep up with all the happenings (if you haven't already.  if you have...tell your friends!!)

(all photos courtesy: Jason 'Mr. Hartless' Hart)